How often during the day do you notice that you’re shoulding on yourself?

The word “should” is a word I believe needs to be banned from our vocabulary. I didn’t always feel this way until over a year ago. I can’t recall exactly what happened and who I was talking to when I realized the impact it has on me and others.

Whenever I find myself about to “should” on myself or someone else, I choose a different word. When I speak to others and they start shoulding on me, I actually have to make an effort to keep listening to them as once I hear “should”, they’ve lost me! I’ve actually told people who have used this word with me my thoughts on it.  I used to and at times still catch myself shoulding on me and it doesn’t feel good.

Here are 3 things I’ve gotten that made me chose to stop shoulding on myself:

1. Using the word “should” doesn’t give much options or choices.

It’s either this or it won’t work out. Whenever I find myself shoulding on me, I get that I’m saying that I don’t have a choice. In life we have choices; yes there are particular behaviors and actions that will lead to a desired outcome. However, I have many choices. I remember thinking once, I “should” exercise if I want to be healthy and I would feel bad for not going to the gym and not doing any physical activity. Once I got clear that I had a choice and I’m choosing to do physical activities I love in order to remain healthy, I felt better. When you choose freely, it feels good and you tend to follow through.

2. The body knows and sends messages

I noticed that whenever I was shoulding on myself or allowed someone to should on me, it didn’t feel good in my body. I would feel a tightness in an area in my body. Your body knows and sends you messages all the time. Pay attention the next time you start shouding on yourself, listen to the message your body is sending and notice how you feel.

3. When I should on myself, I’m imposing something and/or blaming and judging myself

Whenever I say I should have done this or that; I’m blaming myself, it doesn’t feel good and nothing good comes out of it. If anything it keeps me from moving forward and taking action toward my desired goal. I recall coaching someone who wanted to lose weight and wanted to have a regular workout routine. She kept saying “I should work out every day”. I stopped her and said, how does it make you feel when you say this? and she said it didn’t make her feel good and it felt like working out was an obligation. She told me that when she didn’t work out every day, she started blaming and judging herself for not doing so. And she would stop since she was caught in the blaming and judging herself cycle.

Choose empowering and feel good words

I’m actually still amazed when I hear people in the self-empowerment world use the word “should” as it really makes you think and feel like you have no other choices when you do. Once someone told me: “But I should work because I need to pay my bills and make a living.” I told her yes, it’s about changing your words, how about “I choose to work because I want to take care of myself and fulfill my responsibilities.” It’s about choosing words that empower you and make you feel good.

Become aware and choose kindness and love

This brings me to the shoulding on others part. This is another thing I’ve really taken. And like everything else it always begins with the self. Once you stop shoulding on yourself, you’ll stop shoulding on others as well. It starts with becoming aware when you’re doing it and choosing another word. In the beginning, it will be hard I know because you are used to using that word. And if you notice that you’re using it, don’t beat yourself up as it won’t help.

Tweetable: [tweetable]Transformation begins with awareness. Taking steps to stop shoulding on yourself is being kind to you.[/tweetable]

I’m still practicing and find myself using it from time to time but I’m becoming more aware of it and you will too. I hope you’ll choose to be kind and loving toward yourself as you will extend those same feelings unto others as well. With baby steps we’ll stop shoulding on ourselves and each other.

I’d love to hear your thoughts on this. Did anything come up for you? Did you or will you listen to your body the next time you “should” on yourself?  Please let me know in the comments section and please do share your own experiences shoulding on yourself, thank you!

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Love and light!