How I Embraced My Truth Regarding My Desire for a Relationship

For a long time when I was in my late teens, twenties and early thirties, I felt I didn’t need a man in my life. I was independent and didn’t want to depend on someone.

Friends and relatives would make comments like: “You’re too picky,” “you need a man”, “when are you going to have a boyfriend?” I didn’t like those comments and felt that I was being told I wasn’t good enough without a man, a relationship so I started rebelling by saying I don’t need one and I am fine without one.

When it comes to romantic relationships, I’m a late bloomer. I chose to focus on my studies, career (well more like getting a job) for many years, and continued to fight the notion that “I needed” a man. I’d mostly date, had a few relationships and have fallen in love but I never fully opened up to anyone.

I hadn’t even realized that I was unconsciously not choosing a relationship and was keeping real love from me which was why I kept attracting for the most part unavailable men who were either already romantically involved with someone else or who like me weren’t willing to open up and experience true intimacy. It wasn’t until my last relationship ended and I was devastated that I went through some major transformation through deepening my spiritual practice, finding and living my life purpose that I realized that I do desire a relationship. I was afraid to admit it because I thought it meant I needed a man and I was incomplete without one in my life.

In today’s society where women are independent, some of us have built barriers against love because we think it will make us look weak or needy.

During my journey of embracing my desire for a relationship, I started looking into things that were keeping me from attracting and fully committing to one. I noticed when I was talking to friends, reading some articles and books, during my meditation practice, journaling, coaching sessions with my relationship coach at the time, dating and interacting with men I’ve been interested in that not only was I afraid of getting hurt again and fully opening myself up to someone by allowing someone to truly see me; I was also afraid to fully own my desire for a relationship.

I could sense my body getting tense and the voice in my head saying things like: “So you really think you need a man?” or “you’re not good enough without one”. At that point, I knew I desired one but these thoughts were creating doubts which weren’t allowing me to fully own my truth because I kept thinking: “but I’m suppose to feel whole and complete without a man.”

What really turned things around for me was the aha moment I had one day while reading author and spiritual teacher, Marianne Williamson’s book, Enchanted Love. That book truly resonated with me in terms of what I desire to create in a relationship. There’s a part in it where she writes about the difference between “need” and “desire” and as she says, it is completely fine and normal to need God and to desire a relationship.

This was exactly what I needed to hear. I believe in a higher power and rely on it for guidance and support. I got that my desire for a relationship is normal and that while I’m complete without it, I desire it because I want to experience true intimacy and have a spiritual partnership with someone.

Tweet it! [tweetable]When you own and speak your truth, you become the universe’s partner in manifesting your desires.[/tweetable]

It was important for me to get to this point because I know that I need to own my desires in order for them to manifest in my life. Everything I’ve manifested in my life has happened because I fully owned them.

Now I own and speak my truth; I desire a relationship with a man and am ready to experience true love. I’m willing to be vulnerable and get to know someone that shares my values, has love and joy for life, desires a spiritual partnership and is willing to be vulnerable and have that dance with me. I am confident he’s out there getting ready for our relationship just like I’ve been getting ready for it too.

In the meantime, I’m loving myself, enjoying my life and career and being aware of the barriers I’ve build against love.

I’ve always love that quote from Rumi which I shared in the image above and I wanted to share it with you as I invite you to go ahead and find the barriers you’ve built against love or share with me your experience on how you were able to find them if you already went through or are currently going through this process. I’d love to hear from you, share your thoughts by making a comment below this post.

Tweet it! [tweetable]“Your task is not to seek love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” Rumi[/tweetable]

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If this stirred something in you that you’d like to explore at a deeper level, click here to schedule a free discovery session with me. I’d love to help you find the barriers you’ve built against love.

Love and light!